Recently a friend sent me this video which is a documentary about how the Complete video came into being on the interwebs. It really is an entertaining watch and gives some hilarious background on the sheer brilliance of Complete.

You’ll have the Complete lolz afterwards, trust me.

Seriously. Listening to it is a transcendentally bad experience. I thought my eardrums were gonna explode at one point. I could understand singing this bad if you’d just suffered a stroke but there is no reason why a healthy human being should be making noises this awful.

He is more hardcore than a millennium of your Ozzy Osbournes or a decade of your Bruce Dickinsons. He is the real deal and no one will ever infringe upon his pure awesomeness.

Be prepared for all kinds of awesome. This is the single best song I’ve ever heard in my life. It is called Inverti in Darkness by Kei Kunihiro and I’m convinced that within the largely incomprehensible lyrics lies the meaning of life.

The track starts with a terrifying MIDI drum and guitar intro before Kunihiro takes the mike to whisper the most chilling of all statements “Too much blood. In my bathroom!” following it up with  “I kiss the bloody chainsaw, I kiss the bloody axe”. “Too much blood! Too much blooooood!!!”. It’s clear from this moment that Kunihiro is not someone to be fucked with. If he ever invited me around to house for lobster and asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom, I’d stay the fuck clear of there!

Kunihiro plods along until the song hits it’s amazing bridge which includes the world beating refrain “I washy my hands, oba and oba!” although it sounds like he’s singing “I washy my hands ober under ober”. A rockstar who promotes hygeine!?! Ladies, start your engines!

Now we all know Kunihiro is a badass but suddenly he has a change of heart in the chorus where he starts shouting “Aye-yay-yay-yay-yay-yay-I’m innocent!”. What the hell? A minute ago he was some chainsaw wielding deviant who spent all of his days in his bathroom washing the blood off his hands. Now he’s innocent. What brought about the change of heart? Did he find Jesus within those 2 seconds?

Kunihiro then attempts to explain himself in the next part of the song, with a profound confessional line that even John Lennon would be proud of if he wasn’t already shot to pieces “I was a very ordinary child. I’m just an average human being”. Kunihiro immediately switches back into badass mode by declaring proudly with a menacing grin on his face “IIIIIIIII killed them – oh I killed them – I washy my hands!”.

At 2:19 the song begins to gain momentum. Kei lets off a spooky shriek before starting on another menancing refrain of “TOO MUCH BLOOD! TOO MUCH BLOOD!” only this time louder and more regimented than before. At this point I knew in my heart of hearts that Kei was worse than a millenium of Ted Bundy’s. That was until he checked his watch at 2:23.

Quick Tip : If you’re trying to portray yourself as an axe wielding rockstar – learn the timing of the song before you record it. Otherwise you just look like a retard when checking your watch. The video then cuts to pictures of Kei smiling at 2:26, obviously dreaming of all of the women he’ll have as a megastar.

Just in case you missed it, at 2:30 he stretches out like he’s just let out a fart. Yes, I had to make you aware of that.

He sets new standards of incoherency at 2:42 when he shouts “PRISON AIN’T SHIT!!” over and over again. What’s he trying to say? That prison isn’t actually shit and that he had a swell time in there being ass-raped? Or is he saying that he is too hard and scary for prison? I think it’s the latter but who knows!

We take a turn towards the hilarious at 2:47 when Kunihiro basically loses the plot. He starts singing like he’s posessed by the spirit of Lizzie Borden and totally breaks down. It quickly becomes apparent that he hasn’t actually finished writing the song but that doesn’t stop him yelling crazy shit “Pweaze help me! Help me from my distant hole!!!!!” over a dull thudding synthetic bassline. A few more checks of his watch later and he’s finished.

Notice the girl in the background and how she seemingly wants the ground to swallow her up. Either that or she has narcolepsy.  But who wouldn’t have narcolepsy if they knew Kei Kunihiro?

Don’t miss this excellent interview with Kei Kunihiro about the meaning of Inverti In Darkness and more.